***DM THOUGHTS IN BLUE***
***HIGHER SELF IN RED***
“What the heck is wrong with my keyboard?” It keeps freezing up when I need to type some times.
” M D N T A I W A N “
Ah. Say no more. Moving right along.
“What the heck is wrong with The Dildo Karmic Ex Wesley? Seriously, what would be his diagnosis if he ever went in for a full psych evaluation?” ” T R A U M A N D U C D D L L U S N S “
“What trauma specifically made Wesley the way he is?” M R P N L C O D E R O N A L D M D H I M S I C K . P G N A R C I S S T.
“Wesley has no clue his father is responsible for him having such low self worth, does he?” YES
He does? I thought for sure that answer would be a ‘NO’. Wesley believes everything that comes out of Ron’s mouth. Ron could convince Wesley the sky is purple, if he got mad enough and threw in some silent treatment.
“Is my co-worker Jayce that lazy because he was coddled by his parents growing up?” YES
“This means Jayce will only be attracted to women who have no problem doing everything for him like his parents do for him?” YES
Sad.
Interesting nonetheless. I am just trying to beef up my profiling skills.
“Am I ever going to have a kid?” NO
Good, because I think I would be too worried about screwing them up. Plus, I just turned 45 years old. No significant other. Trying to find Mr. Right stopped being fun after all this crap began four years ago. No way would I start looking and dating all over again at this point in my life. I would rather be alone than spend my time on dating apps trying to find someone as dorky and fun as me to hang out with.
Everything happens for a reason. Everything. That reason could be a good reason. For example, say some date just stood you up at the restaurant. It sucked, but it happened for a reason. The date could have been a serial nose picker that you may not have discovered until it was too late. So, if I end up the crazy cat lady living alone with my cats until I die and they eat me, please know I will understand it happened for a reason. And that reason can suck it.
Okay, what was I going to ask next? Oh yeah!
“Did the new hire Lilith deliberately leave the coffee shop a mess two nights ago because she did not like that I left halfway into my shift to let her close the shop by herself” YES
Ha ha. Bitch. I knew it.
My job those two nights were simply to ensure Lilith knew how to properly work a closing shift. She is twenty years old with experience as a Dominos Pizza supervisor. Sweet! Someone who is used to the fast pace and can keep on her toes. Or, so I thought…
The first night training her went well. All she has to do is follow a check list at the end of the night. Easy peezy. We went through it together. She even wiped down shit that was not on the closing check list. The place was immaculate when we left. She is still learning our menu of coffee drinks, so I tried to keep her on the bar. The problem I noticed right away, is that she takes three times as long to make a latte when her boyfriend comes to sit at the bar and chat with her while she works. We all have a buddy come visit now and again, to chat with in between customers. That kind of thing is perfectly okay so long as everything is done first. All drinks made and customers gone, counters wiped, dining room tables clean, etc. When all that shit is done, then screw off and talk to your guy/girl.
However, again, she is only twenty years old.
“Yo, at what age do kids understand the concept of taking initiative?” ” P A R N T S N O T T E A C H I N G O L D M A N N E R S A N Y M R E
“Why the fuck not? What the hell happened that they stopped teaching their precious offspring basic manners and team work?” ” S U K L O N M O M T O O L O N G “
“What does that have to do with the parents not bothering to teach manners or basic ‘clean up after yourself’ tips to their children?” ” M O M S G E T M O R E A T T C H E D T O C H L D T H E L O N G E R T H E Y S U K L “
That same concept could help explain why my mother and I never had any kind of bond. She had toxemia and was unable to breast feed me. No intimate connection was ever established between us. Ever.
Oh, okay. I got it, now. The more a mom is attached to their child, the more they are inclined to let them have what they want, when they want it. God forbid Little Johnny is unhappy for a few minutes because he has to put his own toys away.
Take this darling angel I got to babysit yesterday for a few hours. This is Sabine. Sabine is four years-old and very special. Her mother, Rebe, is a year or two older than myself and Karey, Rebe’s husband, is about the same. Both Rebe and Karey are academics. They made some pact years ago that if they were not in significant relationships by a certain age, they agreed to have a child together. Rebe confessed there is not much of a sexual relationship between the two of them, but the way they love and care for Sabine, and each other, is pure unconditional love.
This ‘non woke’ twin flame couple’s mission, among other things, is to raise a Starseed. There are more children’s books in the living room than there are in the children’s section of the local library. Rebe home-schools Sabine as well. Karey works for the V.L.A. Rebe’s mother, a narcissist, says Rebe and Karey keep Sabine inside her little ‘bubble’. They do, I suppose. Protection from anything dangerous that could harm their little one. I totally get it.
What I do not get, is why Rebe does not make Sabine do the simple things like throwing her trash away or putting her toys away when she is done playing with them. You see her in the picture, don’t you? She isn’t a nine-month old who does not have the physical capability to put her toys away. Sabine and I walked and skipped all the way down to New Mexico Tech and back for our last babysitting adventure. She can sure as shit walk seven steps to their kitchen trash can and toss out the candy wrapper she is holding, am I right?
The first time I noticed just how much they cater to her, was when the four of us went on a small hike. Rebe, Rebe’s mother, Sabine and myself were taking Sabine to launch some Mentos out of a liter of soda. When it was time to walk back, Rebe said something like, “Here, why don’t you hold this bag and I’ll grab this bag for the walk back?” Sabine’s reply without so much as lifting her head up to make eye contact was, “No, I think you should carry it.”
(Um, excuse me?)
“Well, okay,” says Rebe, as she struggles to gather everything in her arms for the hike back.
WOW. Just…wow.
Rebe is strong, driven and strives to do everything she can to help humanity. Even if it means doing it all herself. So, I was not surprised when she insisted she had everything on her own when I offered to help take some of the load. Rebe is an adult. She already knows the concept of team work, helping others just to help because you are seeing them struggle.
Sabine is used to both her parents asking her to do things rather than telling her to do them. This is how she can get away with the, “No, I think you should do it.”
Don’t get me wrong. Karey and Rebe want to make sure Sabine knows she has choices. They are not ogres that have to demand things get done. But, it is like the more intelligent the parent, the less common sense for the simple shit. Guess what? There are, in fact, things you get tell your child to do, rather than ask them if they want to do it. One item high on that list should be offering someone a helping hand by carrying the shit you wanted to bring on the hike in the first place. Hell, my mom would tease that the only reason she had me was so I could bring in the groceries. That was funny.
When I arrived today to sit with Sabine, toys all over the floor, books spread out along the couch. After we read a couple books together, she asks if I want to play a board game. Sure! We play her version of this little game with cardboard tiles for twenty minutes-tops. She gets up, walks to the other room and says, “I wanna make this art project over here.”
“That looks like fun!” I tell her. “But, before you grab a new game, let’s put this game away first. Here, I’ll help you.”
“No, you can put it away.”
“Um no, you brought it out for both of us to play. If you want to play a new game, we put the one we are done with away first.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Yep, I know. We are doing it anyway. Then we can start the art project. This way we help mommy so she doesn’t have to do it when she gets home from work, okay?”
Sabine only grumbled a little bit before making her way back to the floor to help put the game and all it’s pieces back in the box.
Our first little dance of testing each other, was the first time I sat with her about a month ago. I was to be there from 5pm to 7pm, I think. This was a test run to see if we meshed well as a babysitter and her charge. After I arrived and got the low down on the emergency numbers and stuff from her Daddy, I told her we could do anything she wanted to do. She chose a walk to the college campus to catch butterflies with her butterfly net.
It was a beautiful afternoon. The walk was just what we needed. Sabine could run out some of her energy and we could both absorb the grass and trees around us. We even stopped at Fire & Ice coffee shop for a cookie and some water. We head to the soccer field where there is one game going on. I ask her if she wants any more of her water that I am carrying for her.
“Yes.” She takes the cup and takes a sip. She begins to hand it back to me.
“All done?”
“Yes,” still reaching to hand it to me.
“So no more? Is it trash now?” I asked.
“Yes, it’s trash,” she said still reaching.
“Oh, well cool. There is a trash can right over here, so you can just toss it right in.”
“Grrr..no, you can do it. Here..” she is trying to give me the cup.
“Sweetie, if you are big enough to hold the cup all by yourself and drink the water all by yourself, you are big enough to take care of your own trash like a big girl.”
“But, I want you to do it.” She begins to whine.
“I am not sure why you need me to throw away your trash when we are only, one, two, not even three feet from the trash can. See? Just toss it in. You can do it.”
Defeated, she walked the two and a half steps and put her waste where it belonged. “Here, I think you should hold this,” and hands me her little pink butterfly net.
“Would you like me to carry home your butterfly net so you can go run around on the field? Because, I am happy to help. All you have to do is ask.”
“Yes, will you please carry this?”
“I got it, love. Let’s go to the other side of the field.”
My Twin Flame Journey - Wait, what? 
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