Err wait. It was on the 1st. I thought about it. I wanted to. Then I had to ask myself why I wanted to send him a message telling him ‘Happy Birthday’.
Well, it’s nice to have someone you care about tell you they are happy you were born. Isn’t it?
But guess what?
It’s not in ‘the rules’. The ‘rules’ say if you are the ‘Chaser’, you letting your ‘Runner’ know that you have any interest in them in the 3D means they still have EGO to shed OR they feel they are still not good enough for you and therefore they stay away.
The RULE is that you are you are supposed to get to the point where you do not give a fuck whether or not you ever see them again.
The RULE is that you are supposed to let THEM see how wonderful and happy you are WITHOUT them or with someone else so that they can get it through their head that YOU were and ALWAYS WILL BE the best one for them.
The thing is, I could give a shit whether or not this whole thing is real anymore. Sure, I know it’s real, but do I care whether it’s my DM or Chris I get to live out a happy life with? NO. Hell, I am to the point now where I could give a shit if I am alone the rest of my life. I am finally happy with the person I would be living with: me.
Did any other Twin Flames out there get the RULE BOOK on this crap? I know I sure as hell didn’t.
Forgive me if i am not all woo woo with enchantment over this.
I guess when I get that way is when I will have truly found out what this whole thing is about. Err, at least get to the point where I am supposed to be: happy every single day of my life, right?
Never mind the fact that I am perfectly happy away from my mother and family two states away. I dropped the bomb on Mom letting her know I did not know what plans I had for Christmas and therefore was not jumping to set up my plans to drive to California to spend Christmas with her.
Sure, I would get to see my entire family and that is what I dig most about the holidays. Screw the presents. But, I am in no rush to spend any time with her at the house. The first two days are great and then by day three the party is definitely over and the trip becomes miserable. She doesn’t know this and will deny she ever has any part of anything I am bitching about when I am there. It’s always, “Well, I am sorry you feel that way,” or “Well, I don’t know why you would think that. That’s dumb.”
So, I turned it around on her one day recently. I used to feel I had to call my mother every week or two to ‘check in’. Let her know what I was doing and how I was doing it. It was never because she wanted to congratulate me on any success I might have had. It was always to point out the wrong in what I was doing. If ever I waited more than a two weeks to call, it was met with her answering the phone like this, “Well, THERE you are.”
Mind you, she knows my fucking phone number and can call ANY time she wants. I just finally figured out she never WANTS to call me. Her thoughts are, “I am the adult. She is the child. It is the child’s responsibility to call the parents once they are gone from The Nest.” So, I went over two months without speaking to her while I am out here. It wasn’t that I wanted to call her and fought not to, either. I truly had no desire to speak with her.
I waited. I knew it would come. Sure enough, I get a call from her asking if I had received her text message. I had not and told her why I hadn’t received it. She proceeded to ask me what was new. For the first time, I told her, “Absolutely nothing.”
I was lying and I am doing great having completely DUMPED the friendship with Art after he refused to quit using meth AND around his little girls. It was worse when he would come back after having dropped them off at their mother’s house saying, “Wow! CC is completely high as fuck!” and when I would ask why on Earth he would still drop off the girls, his response is always, “I can’t help it. It’s the courts and custody issues. Plus, they would drug test ME, too, and we would both get screwed.” Savage, right?
Mom needed to know there was no new gossip. She needed to know there was nothing she could criticize me about this time.
It was great.
Then she hit me with the, “Well, I hadn’t heard from you in a while.”
I told her, “Mom, you have my phone number and can call at any time. I am not sure why you don’t call me if you want to speak with me.”
Her answer: “I don’t want to bother you.”
I asked, “Why would you think you are bothering me to call me and see how I am? I have never told you you are bothering me when you call.”
There was silence for a moment and then she said, “You are right. That’s true.”
Do you know the last time she slapped me I was 33 years old? THAT was the last time because when it happened, and all over the fact I had ear buds in on our trip to Pismo Beach and I was tired of listening to The Beach Boys Greatest Hits for the third time that trip, I yelled at her to never hit me again.
That was it. That was all I had to do. I had to YELL, “Damn it! Don’t hit me anymore!” I was 33 fucking years old.
If I explained that story to her now, her response would be the same: “Well, if you had not had those ear buds in so you could hear me talking to you, I would not have hit you.”
Well, fuck. That clears it all up, doesn’t it?
I just now heard in my head, “Why are you so hard on her?”
I would normally say that was my DM in my head asking that, but honestly, I have no clue who that was and I don’t care anymore who it is. I am to the point now where I know I have been talking to myself most of the time.
DM is there when I am cooking telling me I need to prep first or he is saying things like, “You’re not going to make THAT for OUR kids, are you?”
I don’t read into all that anymore. I find the less I think about DM and twin flame crap, the happier I am.
The problem is that he SEEPS into my head and I can’t get him out. No matter how much I pray, cry or BEG GOD to remove him from my life. His energy is there whether I want it to be or not. Lately though, it has not been as strong and I like that. I keep wondering when I will get to ride Chris’ cock. I want him THAT bad. I have no idea what DM is doing and I don’t care so long as he is happy and healthy.
Hell, I would rather put up with The Dildo Psychopath Narcissist EX Wesley Minnick every day, than have this gorgeous, amazing man in my head all the time.
Poor Wesley is still intent on trying to prove I am lying about SOME kind of shit. I have no idea. I have nothing to hide while he has EVERYTHING to hide. Like his secret sex with men for meth he has that he would kill himself if his parents ever found out. Plus, he has NO IDEA what video I have of him and some of his, how shall we say, INDISCRETIONS. If I was a REAL bitch, I would have sent that video to his parents already.
I used to be that kind of bitch. I am not anymore. I am a writer. This is why I will be putting ALL of that shit in my book. Not my blog. His parents do not have to read it.
He and everyone else can read and see the pictures, THAT DO NOT LIE, themselves.
I have nothing to prove. I am just writing about my life. I can’t help it if there are some people who did not behave well enough to be mentioned honorably in my book. I was told to tell my story about all of this.
And I am. Swingin, balls OUT.
If you are a twin flame and read this far, and you want a FREE tarot reading, my previous twin flame seekers have all said I am pretty spot on, so just email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org and we will get some cards pulled for yas. Also, if I have read for you already and you need an update, just let me know. It’s always free. If you want to leave me a tip, just ask me for my PayPal. I try to get to readings in about 24-72 hours after the request. I will always update you at the very least, though, if there is a delay.
Take care everyone and STOP WATCHING MAIN STREAM TELEVISION PROGRAMMING. The fit is going to hit the shan pretty soon…I feel it.