08-18-2020 I Am Tired Of All This Twin Flame Crap Already!

****WARNING****YOU WILL SEE THE WORD ‘FUCK’ A LOT IN THE POST BECAUSE I AM HAVING A TERRIBLE DAY WITH THIS TELEPATHY SHIT****

***I should note that I wrote this yesterday. Today is an amazing day because I finally figured out how to deal with what you are about to read in my rant.***

MEDITATE FOR ANSWERS. If I read that once more, I swear my head is going to spin right off of my body.

I can’t stand this anymore. Labeling this situation and that situation. Labeling this person and that person: twin flame, twin flame catalyst, false twin, soulmate. Ugh!

All I want to do is move on with my life and NOT think about this anymore.

How do you trust your intuition when there is nothing to confirm it is correct in the first place?

I realized JUST RIGHT THIS MINUTE, that this whole crappy and miserable journey is not about me finding love in someone else.

It is about finding love within myself.

I am finally comfortable being by myself and now is when I am getting hit with 1111, 44, 22, 33, 11, 55, 111, 222, 333, 444 and sometimes multiple times a day. It drives me nuts.

I want to turn my brain off for just a little while to find some relief.

Higher Self or the other half of me, the boy version out there, I don’t give a fuck. The thoughts are there and there is nothing I can do to get rid of them.

How the HELL am I supposed to just forget this fucking entity, or whatever it is, is IN me? This will NOT go away. Do you know I now make NEW facial expressions I have never made before??? When I touch my body, sometimes it feels as if it is someone else’s hand. Especially while in the bathtub. I have seen Chris make a couple of these faces. I was never around my DM long enough at one time to stare at his face to see if he had these facial expressions. I have NOTHING to compare it back to my DM because we never spent time with each other. He was always doing his best to stay away from me. He was never rude or mean. He just acted as if we were 7 years old and he was confident I would give him cooties if I got too close. Even when he gave me pool lessons, they were short, they were fast, he stumbled a lot, repeated things over and over. Would let me practice the shot for, oh, 5 minutes before coming back in to teach me something else only for me to tell me he taught that shot to me already. (Actually, it was pretty adorable how hard he tried to hide his attraction towards me.)

I am just tired of this “twin flame” shit. Tired.

Are my chakras all balanced?? Hell, that could be the reason I am all upset today about this. Either that, or I am going to start my period in the next few days.

What about my daily meditation and grounding exercises? Crap. Forgot both.

I’ve got it!

I need to be MY OWN twin flame.

I do NOT want a relationship with anyone other than myself.

This is all a BURDEN to think about and I am just tired.

I just want to play pool. I am going through major withdrawal not being able to at least practice once a day. I cannot find a table to play on due to the lock down of a updated version of the flu called COVID-19, that was designed to keep everyone at home. I am getting that ‘heroin itch’, that neeeeed to get on a pool table. I swear to Jeebus I am almost ready to suck a dick in exchange for an hour on a pool table, that is how bad I miss playing.

It was my therapy. Now, my therapy has to be getting more into nature. I normally would have no problem with that, but because it is HOT AS FUCK here in Socorro New Mexico, I am not real anxious to go for my daily constitutionals, you know?

Oh and yes I feel COVID-19 was designed to target the elderly and those with weaker immune systems. Bill Gates bought the patent on the vaccine before most of us even knew what COVID was. Ain’t that some shit? It’s just one of the terrible things world leaders have done and are doing now and hiding from the masses. They use Hollywood scandals as a distraction to detour people from learning the truth of what is really going on. If they flood the local media with crap about The Kardashians, stories about a local rapper being charged with faking his own attack claiming ‘hate crime’ and even an impeachment of our Fearless Leader Frump, it distracts from the out of control human trafficking taking place that some celebrities are tied to and the years of SECRET research our government has been doing with our tax money investigating the UFOs that landed here a ways back and kept it secret.

Take a look at a short video on local news media all on the same script for the purposes of repetition-IE: to brainwash. And i do not feel that is an opinion of mine. What bothers me most is that this video and others like it have not even surpassed 600k views. More people need to know. The more that do watch and share this stuff, the more will wake up and stop referring to things like this as ‘conspiracy theories.’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxtkvG1JnPk

So yeah, whatever. Some psychic powers have been tuned up in me and at my age, I have read this is the age where it begins. I will use my new super powers to offer free readings to those who are ‘guided’ to me in some way. So far, the people I have pulled cards for say I am spot on. Email me if you are interested in a free reading.

In the mean time, I guess I have to ‘self’care’ the shit out of me until I become as ‘woo woo’ as all these other enlightened souls out there living a happy life.

I hope to GOD I do not have to transform into someone I am not during this whole thing. I am not ‘woowoo.’ I can cuss like a sailor and would streak a pool tournament on a dare.

This sucks.

This is not fun. I am TIRED of thinking about this whole thing.

I am supposed to be all grateful for this and today I am SO TIRED of thinking and reading and learning about everything I need to do to SUR-FUCKING-RENDER.

I am tired of not knowing whether or not I am right in ANYTHING I do, because there are a few other fucking thoughts up in my head that go against each other and I am supposed to lie down, breathe for twenty minutes WITHOUT FALLING ASLEEP, only to not know what is true or not because NOTHING I WANT CONFIRMED IS CONFIRMED.

So, I give up.

Screw this.

I am not going to continue the meditating listening for answers when those answers are probably just some lame, way out fantasizing of two GORGEOUS men.

I want to be left alone in my head.

I do not want ANYONE else up there but me.

Let me please forget about all this CRAP.

Please just let it be Bipolar Disorder so that I can have some peace of mind.

Although, I will admit this is the first time in my life I have no interest in seeing my mom nor giving her a call to ‘check in’ with her.

This is the first time in my life after the break up with The Dildo Narcissist Karmic Ex Wesley that I have had no interest in dating apps or DTF apps like Tinder. (DTF = Down To Fuck)

This is the first time in my life I can recognize I am not looking for anyone but myself.

I am not a twin anything. I am a soul who made some dealio with the Universe and this is me today.

Yesterday was awesome. Today blows.

And it is all because of some lame obsession of which is my “twin flame” and which is the soulmate who the Universe says is supposed to knock me up some time in the future.

I think my thoughts told me and I THINK the Universe confirmed it with tarot cards and songs that I hear that are oddly resonating when I am thinking about this.

Based on the music and sexual energy I feel on a daily basis, this is my prediction:

I met the DM in January 2018. Cards confirmed the month of January. I think when I moved to New Mexico in July 2019 to get away from my Dildo Karmic ex, I met GORGEOUS dude #2 who oddly reminds me of the DM.

I met Chris at a bar playing pool. I met my DM at a bar where he worked and he became my unofficial pool coach.

Both are pool sharks.

Both are DROP DEAD GORGEOUS.

Both have adorable, yet sexy, cleft chins.

Both thought money, status and women with huge boobs on their arm would make them happy.

Both, deep down, had low self esteem and had been used and/or cheated on and had been treated like garbage in the past by their women.

I see 22 whenever I think about DM and I saw 22 multiple times hanging out with Chris. Chris and I have very similar backgrounds with regard to family dysfunction. (Parents split and we each have 3 half-sibs. Chris’ Dad and my mom were very critical and couldn’t praise the good shit. Just found the bad in the good things we did.) We both have the same addictions.

Both Chris and my DM are chefs.

And then there is the weird connection I have with Chris. One night I thought to myself, “I wish he had one of those circle things on the back of his cell phone so he can lean the phone on something.” Not 3 seconds after I had the thought, he leaned the phone up against a pack of Magick cards. The songs he would show me on YouTube while listening to music were all songs that talk about boinking. The movies he had me watch were ‘The Passenger’ and ‘Savages.’ If you have seen either of the two movies, you will understand why I say it is pretty uncanny he would suggest them.

WHOA. Ok, um…the song playing on my playlist as I was typing the last two paragraphs was ‘Your Love’ by The Outfield. I am going to post the lyrics here in a second, but I just ran to the song meanings website and discovered that this song that I have loved for years is about a guy who just wants a hot night of sex with an older woman and nothing more. I have been hearing ‘Stacy’s Mom’ and ‘Mrs. Robinson’ by Simon and Garfunkel lots lately, too.

https://genius.com/The-outfield-your-love-lyrics

This is where I should mention Chris is 36 and I am 43. (insert wicked grin here)

I have wanted to jump on that cock since the day I met him. But, he did some of what DM did. Chris told me right up front he was not attracted to me, so sex couldn’t get in the way of him teaching me some energy frequency stuff. But, like DM, his body language and actions told me WAY WAY different.

WOW!! NOW, the song is ‘Hold On’ by Santana. Now, I have never heard this song in my life. But, the lyrics are, um….well….see for yourself:

Don’t rush me just this once
I want to make this moment last
Slow down the pace, there’s no hurry
I can’t let another pass me by again
Let me be the one to say when I’ve had enough

Just let me close my eyes, memorize
The way things are this minute
So when you’re gone I can go on
If memory can hold on within it what I’m feeling
Should time try fading or stealing something away

Hold on, nothing’s the same
Tell me why I feel this way
Life wouldn’t be worth living without you
All along I’ve been the pretender
But now that’s gone forever
Nobody’s ever loved me like you do
Nobody’s broken through

Got to concentrate, file away
Every last detail
Don’t want to lose what’s going down
I want to remember everything I’m feeling
Should time try fading or stealing something away

Hold on, nothing’s the same
Tell me why I feel this way
Life wouldn’t be worth living without you
All along I’ve been the pretender
But now that’s gone forever, yeah
Nobody’s ever loved me like you do
Nobody’s broken through

This is a song about a guy who wants that one night of being together and wants it to go slow because he knows she is going to be gone pretty soon.

You know that prediction I have that I was talking about up there? It was that I am going to get contacted by both my DM and Chris, but Chris first. I know it is going to lead to sex. Woo hoo, right? I should be ecstatic about these signs. But, here is the problem. I feel my DM is going to be swooping in soon, too. Chris knows my DM is someone else and Chris once mentioned that all his serious relationships were all with woman whose name began with the letter ‘C’. Chris would know deep down that if he and I started seeing each other, and my DM came to me as well, I would leave with my DM.

Therein lies the problem. Today, about an hour ago, you will never guess what YouTube thought would be a good ‘Recommended For You’ video for me to watch because it would resonate:

Dude, I don’t even subscribe to Comedy Central’s channel, nor have I watched any comedy in about three months. Why recommend this video title? Forget the fact that I had been seeing videos pop up on my YouTube feed with babies confusing their Mommy or Daddy with Mommy or Daddy’s twin sister and brother. I should mention now that my DM has a twin brother. Chris happens to have a pair twin half-sisters. See all the similarities between Chris and my DM? It’s no wonder my head was spinning.

Anyhoo, it has been exhausting having to try and decipher my thoughts as true telepathy or just me wishful thinking and being horny.

I am done typing for today.

***UPDATE***

It is a day after writing this that I am posting this. In that 24 hours, I have been able to completely grasp the entire concept of my journey and I now understand this was never about my DM. It was and IS just about myself.

It is about finding out who I really am, an actual Pleadian starseed incarnated on Earth do to exactly what I am doing at this moment, and turn myself into the best version of myself I can possibly be by shedding the ego I developed living on a planet where money and how much you have of it rules- not love.

My DM is my BONUS for all this hard work. It is awesome to finally know in my heart that I do deserve someone as wonderful as him.

Hey, thanks for stopping by and getting all the way to the bottom of the post. I appreciate you taking the time to hear one version of a twin flame journey that is not so ‘woowoo’ enchantment like a lot of the other twin flame journals I have read.

***Interested In a FREE Twin Flame Tarot Reading?***

If you were somehow guided this far into my post to read the line you just read, make no mistake-you were guided to me for a reason. That reason was to give you some kind of information that will be useful to you on your journey. Information, guidance, or just someone to say, “I KNOW right?! I can talk with my DM with my thoughts, too! Crazy cool, huh?!”

Just send me an email to: imaguppynotashark2@gmail.com and please type the words FREE READING in caps in the subject line. It does a great job of grabbing my attention so that I can get it done right away for you. Please tell me a little about your journey thus far and include your name, your person’s name and your birth date. If you able to give me your person’s birth date, even better. I use these details to chart the similarities within the collective. I also look at numerology for some confirmation on what I am feeling already.

You are not crazy. You are not having a nervous breakdown. You are not paranoid. (Well, you are a little at first, but that is a normal symptom upon awakening.)

You are a twin flame.

CLOSING SONG WHILE EDITING AND POSTING IS: ‘Ready For Love’ by Bad Company. I took the song meaning like this other fellow at http://www.songmeanings.com:

General Comment many times his heart has been broken looking for love, and having bad luck in relationships, now his luck is changing and he is ready again to take a chance with this person. love this song, so beautiful!!! pbandkellyon February 18, 2011

I smell a reunion right around the corner for some….including myself. 🙂

Credits for the sites I used: http://www.songmeanings.com, http://www.genius.com, YouTube, and Google Images.